I view myself as a player.
Not in the “I’m playing multiple niggas at the same time” type of player, but more so “that shit can’t hold a player down too long” type of player.
That was my motto … until a nigga held a playa down for a long time!
I learned a trash yet valuable lesson in the value of self-worth. I had to learn the hard way that my worth can’t be defined by anyone - especially a man. Placing your value and worth in a man will have your ass out here strung out sis, and the devil is a lie.
I'll be the first to admit that I let a man break me. Like, completely break me down. All the way down to where I didn’t even know who the fuck I was. He was my first real boyfriend. We met in college and I just knew he was gonna be my husband. I was so in ‘love’ that I put up with and made excuses for the stupidest shit. In my eyes, he could do no wrong and he was a perfect angel. That is, until he wanted to go to the mall for the latest Jordan release at the crack of dawn. He wanted me to drive him, and I told him “no”, then I became a ‘weak ass bitch” who was always on some “ho shit!” Sadly, this ‘weak ass bitch’ turned into a ‘dumb ass bitch’, because even after all that and everyone telling me to break up with him, I stayed with him. I felt he was as good as I could get.
And that right there is the problem. As women, when we don’t have our own definition of self-love, it gets defined for us, and more often than not, it’s not the definition that we need. This in turn opens our hearts up to the wrong guys and the fuck niggas that we love to bash so much when they aren’t completely to blame. I was to blame because even though I knew my worth, I didn’t really know my worth, if you know what I mean. When I broke up with my first boyfriend, it took me years to repair. Repair my heart, my mind, and most importantly my soul. I had to get back to the place where I could be willing to accept love and most importantly, be ready to give it. I’m a woman. I love love and I have a lot of it to give, so it was important for that to be a priority in my rebirth phase.
It’s one thing to say you have self-worth, but if you don’t believe that shit and act on it, then it’s just false truths. So yeah, players fuck up… and it’s cool. But players also get the fuck back up, shake it off.